Golf is Metal.
GOLF IS METAL.
It’s true. And I have absolutely zero compunction arguing the facts. Or at least, the facts as I see them- because yes, I am a golfer and a metalhead, and while most would probably never compare or connect the two, here goes.
Sports and Music- they go hand in hand as we trip down the road of life- and if we wanted to look at this on a larger scale, I would say that football is like punk music, basketball is of course hip-hop, baseball is watered down arena rock and nascar- well, we all know what nascar music is…
Golf is Metal. Lets look first at the tools of the trade- golf is all about taking this funny shaped stick and using that funny shaped stick to whack the hell out of a little ball in the hopes of sending it where you want it to go. In metal, the weapon of choice is obviously the guitar- and I can no more pick up a guitar and make it sound like any good soaring solo, than I can pick up a 3 wood and smash the ball straight down the fairway 200+ yards like Tiger can. Both tools take hours upon hours upon hours of painstaking practice and repetition to master.
Golf, as in Metal, is all about controlled aggression- wild abandon- that’s football or rugby; think of some of the epic metal songs of all time- they more than likely have wild timing changes and varying mood swings. The same goes for golf- when you step up on the tee to take your next shot- whatever just happened has to be erased from your memory- it doesn’t matter that you just shanked your ball off a deer’s ass and into the pond (which I have done, but that’s another story…) you absolutely must put your anger in check- if only for 2 measures- to get that backswing just right- so you can correctly smash the shit out of the ball. This is the breakdown… aaaaand… thisiswherewegorealfast. Its syncopated rage.
They both have worldwide followings.
Metal and golf are all about innovation. There are so many new genres and sub-genres and offshoots and side projects developing every day in Metal it’s impossible to keep up- and the same goes for the game of golf- hybrid drivers, flexshafts, improved dimple placement technology, square headed monster clubs, low spin high loft carbon fiber titanium pure-spin- whatever. Walk in to any golf store and say “I want some new clubs” and let the fun begin. The powers that govern the game of golf can’t even keep track of the advancements- and more importantly their effect on the game as a whole- think about that comparison for a bit.
Metal is about perseverance. Anybody who has tried to make a go of it in a band knows that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Anybody who has lugged a full set of clubs over 18 holes in the blazing sun is right there with them.
Both are better with beer.
Golf is about rules. Written and unwritten. As you play with your buddies, sure, you make them up as you go along- “hit your ball into that gaggle of geese and we’ll take 2 strokes off your score” but you follow them. The same goes for metal- I can’t think of any community that polices itself and takes care of its own like metalheads. Somebody goes down in the pit, you help them up. Unwritten rule, followed by pretty much all. And like in golf, if you don’t follow the rules, out ya go.
Golf is math. Geometry, Algebra, Physics- “I’ve got 180 yards, wind is from left to right about 15mph, I’m grabbing a 10.5 degree Iron, got to get it over those trees… and anybody who doubts the Mathiness (yes I just made that up) of a complex metal song isn’t really listening.
Both are better when there are girls involved.
Both are about sponsorship- as a band goes through the process and climbs the ladder- companies like Marshall, Fender, Ernie Ball, Tama, etc. come calling, wanting them to play their gear- same thing in golf- and no I haven’t heard from Nike yet. Or Calloway. Or Titleist. And even if I did- it wouldn’t make a difference- I play with good gear- it’s not great but it gets the job done. If my buddy, the pretty good guitar player, was suddenly presented with the top-of-the-line latest and greatest axe rig- would it make him any better a shredder? Nope. Would it be more fun to play- oh yeah sure you betcha.
Metal in a large sense deals with solitude as a theme- golf is a singular sport. It’s just you, your brain and your muscles and your will to crank the hell out of this next drive… and when the brain and the muscles don’t want to cooperate- well then you’re left with only your iron will to carry you through- and if that isn’t metal, I don’t know what is.
It’s true. And I have absolutely zero compunction arguing the facts. Or at least, the facts as I see them- because yes, I am a golfer and a metalhead, and while most would probably never compare or connect the two, here goes.
Sports and Music- they go hand in hand as we trip down the road of life- and if we wanted to look at this on a larger scale, I would say that football is like punk music, basketball is of course hip-hop, baseball is watered down arena rock and nascar- well, we all know what nascar music is…
Golf is Metal. Lets look first at the tools of the trade- golf is all about taking this funny shaped stick and using that funny shaped stick to whack the hell out of a little ball in the hopes of sending it where you want it to go. In metal, the weapon of choice is obviously the guitar- and I can no more pick up a guitar and make it sound like any good soaring solo, than I can pick up a 3 wood and smash the ball straight down the fairway 200+ yards like Tiger can. Both tools take hours upon hours upon hours of painstaking practice and repetition to master.
Golf, as in Metal, is all about controlled aggression- wild abandon- that’s football or rugby; think of some of the epic metal songs of all time- they more than likely have wild timing changes and varying mood swings. The same goes for golf- when you step up on the tee to take your next shot- whatever just happened has to be erased from your memory- it doesn’t matter that you just shanked your ball off a deer’s ass and into the pond (which I have done, but that’s another story…) you absolutely must put your anger in check- if only for 2 measures- to get that backswing just right- so you can correctly smash the shit out of the ball. This is the breakdown… aaaaand… thisiswherewegorealfast. Its syncopated rage.
They both have worldwide followings.
Metal and golf are all about innovation. There are so many new genres and sub-genres and offshoots and side projects developing every day in Metal it’s impossible to keep up- and the same goes for the game of golf- hybrid drivers, flexshafts, improved dimple placement technology, square headed monster clubs, low spin high loft carbon fiber titanium pure-spin- whatever. Walk in to any golf store and say “I want some new clubs” and let the fun begin. The powers that govern the game of golf can’t even keep track of the advancements- and more importantly their effect on the game as a whole- think about that comparison for a bit.
Metal is about perseverance. Anybody who has tried to make a go of it in a band knows that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Anybody who has lugged a full set of clubs over 18 holes in the blazing sun is right there with them.
Both are better with beer.
Golf is about rules. Written and unwritten. As you play with your buddies, sure, you make them up as you go along- “hit your ball into that gaggle of geese and we’ll take 2 strokes off your score” but you follow them. The same goes for metal- I can’t think of any community that polices itself and takes care of its own like metalheads. Somebody goes down in the pit, you help them up. Unwritten rule, followed by pretty much all. And like in golf, if you don’t follow the rules, out ya go.
Golf is math. Geometry, Algebra, Physics- “I’ve got 180 yards, wind is from left to right about 15mph, I’m grabbing a 10.5 degree Iron, got to get it over those trees… and anybody who doubts the Mathiness (yes I just made that up) of a complex metal song isn’t really listening.
Both are better when there are girls involved.
Both are about sponsorship- as a band goes through the process and climbs the ladder- companies like Marshall, Fender, Ernie Ball, Tama, etc. come calling, wanting them to play their gear- same thing in golf- and no I haven’t heard from Nike yet. Or Calloway. Or Titleist. And even if I did- it wouldn’t make a difference- I play with good gear- it’s not great but it gets the job done. If my buddy, the pretty good guitar player, was suddenly presented with the top-of-the-line latest and greatest axe rig- would it make him any better a shredder? Nope. Would it be more fun to play- oh yeah sure you betcha.
Metal in a large sense deals with solitude as a theme- golf is a singular sport. It’s just you, your brain and your muscles and your will to crank the hell out of this next drive… and when the brain and the muscles don’t want to cooperate- well then you’re left with only your iron will to carry you through- and if that isn’t metal, I don’t know what is.
Comment
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Comment by coyote on September 14, 2008 at 5:30am - Great! I've never seen it that way but you're right! Metal is timeless because if you listen now to a rock-song from 1968 right now for example, it sounds just as great as then. Even greater! The same for blues and even country-music but not for trends like hiphop, r&b, and all other crap that dies after a few years! See ya, buddy :)
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Comment by Ogre on May 28, 2008 at 11:38pm - That might be the funniest shit I've seen on this site!!!
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Comment by Izzy on May 28, 2008 at 8:18pm
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Comment by Kincaid on May 27, 2008 at 4:42pm -
Okay. look- I totally buy into the whole "hockey is Metal" thing- believe me, I wasn't saying golf EXCLUSIVELY is metal, and a lot of the points I made- if you replace the word 'golf' with 'hockey' -well it wouldn't make any sense at all.
Sure, hockey is Metal. Football is Metal. Rugby is Metal. Hell even NASCAR is Metal on a few levels (loud, fast, shit blowing up...) I was just adding golf to the pantheon of all things Metal.
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Comment by Stabitha on May 17, 2008 at 7:41pm - Yes hockey is metal. Last time i checked, there weren't fights in golf and they don't play Slayer when people play golf either.
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Comment by Izzy on May 14, 2008 at 12:18am
- Hockey is definitely METAL.
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Comment by Ogre on May 11, 2008 at 1:21pm
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Hockey is metal. Hockey is controlled mayhem, violent beauty, the speed, the collisions, the passion, anger, and adrenaline that it not only invokes, but are vital ingredients to the correct execution of the endeavor. Just like metal. Some say baseball is the thinking man's sport. Baseball is the slow thinking man's sport. In hockey, you have half a second to make the right decision or your head's going to be taken off. Much like a bridge or break in a metal song, one mis-step and you're way behind the play, struggling to catch up.
Our definitions of "sport" differ. In my view, one integral requisite for sport is athletic ability. Golf does not require athletic ability. Golf is a skill, a game, much like chess, but it is not a sport. Sure, it can be a competition, playing to determine who is better, but men will compete at just about anything. If a couple guys try to see who can snap more beer bottle caps into a trash can from the couch, that doesn't make it a sport. Not a judgement but, rather, an observation. For example, many hockey players enjoy golf. However, they do it as a recreation. Golf is something athletes do to relax.
Defining sport may just be a matter of semantics. But one thing is certain: Hockey is Metal, brothers!
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Comment by Kincaid on May 10, 2008 at 5:31pm
- to me, how much emphasis one puts on the competition and winning determines whether an activity qualifies as sport- If someone wants to be the best tiddly-winker on the planet, and people are willing to pay attention- then that's sport. Is golf a game? absolutely- when I'm playing with my buddies and we're drinking beer and giving each other grief, that's a great game- when I'm trying to qualify for a regional tournament- that's sport, baby.
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Comment by Spyderman65 on May 10, 2008 at 12:18am - Ok, granted, I'll give you credit on some of the points you make.....but ( isn't there always a but ? ) ......... I cannot for the life of me see golf as a "sport" any more than I can see billards or shuffle board as "sport". Games, yes. Past times, definitely. Both require skill, patience, practice and all the rest just like golf, but are they sport? Nope, can't see it. Played myself, but to me at least, a sport is when you sweat from physical exertion and not just 'cause you are in the sun looking for a little ball you lost in the high grass! ( or "rough" LOL ).
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